Will I Regret Using Donor Eggs?

August 17, 2021
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Two of the biggest emotional hurdles for individuals and couples trying to conceive are “Will I bond with my baby?” and “Will I regret using donor eggs?”

For many, trying to conceive can be physically and emotionally draining. Something so personal can often be difficult to discuss, either with your partner or with friends/family who are normally a reliable support system. When it comes to being a donor egg recipient, there are specific concerns related to the unknowns. Our goal at Fairfax EggBank is to minimize any mystery surrounding a donor’s background and the entire egg donor process itself.

The Most Common Fears About Using Donor Eggs

After deciding to use a donor and IVF to conceive, it’s not unusual for doubt to set in. Donor conception isn’t always the route to parenthood that patients want or expect. The time and emotional energy spent on the entire process can feel overwhelming, and the questions and uncertainties can lead to anxiety.

Donor egg parents experience some fears and emotions other families may not. These feelings stem from the unique circumstances these parents are in. 

Chief among those fears are:

  • the loss of a genetic connection to the child
  • not feeling like the child’s “real” mom or dad
  • fear over bonding with the child
  • anxiety about sharing information about using a donor 

Other common concerns and questions parents have, include:

  • Will my baby look like me?
  • What if my child doesn’t see me as their parent?
  • Will my family accept or reject my child?
  • Should I tell my child that they are donor conceived?
  • How will I provide important health details to my child’s pediatrician?
  • Should I tell my child about the donor? Do I want them to have contact?

Thankfully, with enough resources and support, feelings of doubt and uncertainty can be addressed, and measures can be taken to understand and come to terms with the realities of donor conception.

How To Talk About IVF and Donor Egg IVF Conceived Children

Normalizing the conversation around donor conception is a good first step in addressing feelings of uncertainty. More and more women, including celebrities, are sharing their stories about infertility, and it’s helping to break the silence that surrounds fertility issues and conception treatments.

Openness about using a donor can help dispel common stigmas around the topic and change the ideals of what parenthood looks like. For patients struggling with their own reproductive issues, the journey to parenthood is different but no less legitimate.

Openness about using donor eggs, especially for donor egg parents, can provide insight into what parents encounter on this path and bring forth things that intended parents may not have considered.

Is Using an Egg Donor the Right Choice?

Choosing an egg donor can be a difficult choice for parents. Parents may want to know who are they? Why did they decide to become a donor? What is their medical history? What’s their familial background?

Fairfax EggBank donors provide in-depth details about their lives and family history. They also undergo thorough medical and psychological screenings to test for genetic conditions and make sure they are healthy. We also ensure that donors understand the commitment they are making as a donor.

When you look at a Fairfax EggBank donor profile, you will find 3 generations of family medical history.

As a building block of creating a family using donor eggs through Fairfax EggBank, our donors are required to provide this level of medical detail, as well as fun facts about their personality, their academics, career/life ambitions. Many donors also have audio interviews that intended parents can access through a donor’s online profile.

Concerns and questions about the egg donor process can be answered when you work with a Fairfax EggBank Client Relations Specialist.

Will The Donor Be Involved In My Child’s Life?

Equally important is the donor’s understanding of the importance of being mentally prepared to waive all parental rights. Unlike a family or friend who may become a donor for your child, there is no involvement in raising your child from a donor from our egg bank.

Some donors may agree to be available to be contacted by the child after they turn 18, and only if the parent opts into our program to allow this level of communication.

Our ID Option program allows donors who opt-in to provide additional information when a donor child from one of their eggs is 18 or older. This is a two-part program. Some intended parents want their child to have access to their donor to provide information. Some parents want to retain their privacy. This is a very personal decision, and it is important to know what options are available.

How To Talk To My Child About Being Donor Conceived

As children age, it is important for the parents to know how and when they are going to address that their child is donor conceived.

It is an important conversation to have, and there are tools available to help parents navigate the process when they are ready to start sharing their choice of using a donor with their child.

We also recommend investing in books written for children conceived through egg donation. We interviewed Baby Cake book series author Jordan DeGusipe on her journey to becoming a parent and her inspiration to write Baby Cake. Her children’s books help parents facilitate the discussion about children conceived through egg donation, sperm donation, surrogacy, and general infertility. Her insight relies on studies from family psychologists and her in human development and family studies from Pennsylvania State University.

Donor Egg IVF Resources for Conversation

Creating a safe space and encouraging open dialogue amongst parents going through donor egg IVF can help individuals and couples navigate the uncertainties of donor conception. Taking the time to acknowledge fears and feelings and ensuring that the decision to use a donor is a comfortable one is crucial.

Knowing you’ve made the right decision in building your family is an essential step in coming to terms with your path to parenthood. Fairfax EggBank is happy to help provide resources about the donor process and answer in-depth questions about our donor history, health, and personality.

Fairfax EggBank is a leader in advanced techniques for frozen donor eggs for fertility. Our commitment to donor quality and service excellence makes us a premier, yet cost-effective, solution for intended parents. We work closely with all of our donor egg recipients through each stage of the process, and is a proud supporter of the LGBTQ+ community.

Our Egg Donor Database showcases one of the largest repositories for frozen donor eggs in the United States.

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