[Download Trisha’s entire blog series in PDF form here]
The following blog is the third part to Trisha H’s journey to motherhood. The words are all her own. To read about her fertility journey that led her to the decision to use donor eggs, click here. If you want to learn more about how she evaluated using fresh vs. frozen donor eggs, click here.
The Decision Journey Part III: Finding the Right Egg Donor
Are you still with me? I hope, like me, you are enjoying the series so far. It has been so rewarding chatting with so many of you and being a part of your frozen donor egg journey. Since starting this blog series, there have even been a number of you who now have success stories of your own…and that is just awesome.
Whether you have traveled with us since the launch of this blog series, or you are just now joining, I want to take a moment to say CONGRATULATIONS for making the choice to grow your family through Fairfax EggBank. I am nearly certain you will be satisfied with the care and attention they give to ensuring you are well taken care of throughout the entire process. After almost a year since our relationship started, our (my husband and me) satisfaction with the Fairfax family continues to grow. Even now, with my son nearly two weeks old, they continue to check-in on us to ensure we are doing well. I mean, how is that for great service?!
Now, if you are just joining us on this journey, I highly encourage you to go back and read the other blogs (links below). As you do, please feel free to send your questions and share your own story. I promise to respond to you as quickly as possible.
My Approach to ‘Donor Mommy Shopping’
I tell you, having been a mother for only 12 days now, it is hard to imagine what life was like before our little Micah made his early “Leap Day” arrival into our lives. As I am sure you can imagine, we are extremely excited, thankful, and overwhelmed with joy when it comes to our newest addition to the family. He is the most adorable little ‘son-shine’ a mommy can ever ask for. If I could, I would give our ‘donor mommy’ the BIGGEST hug for this most special gift she has given our family. I love him! I love him! I love him!
It is funny because looking back at when we first started our journey, I remember how conflicted I was about the idea of using donor eggs. All I kept saying was… NO WAY, JOSE! Initially, I did not think I could ever embrace the idea of having a baby that was not made with my own egg. Knowing what I know now and being the mommy of this most precious little baby of mine, I think my feelings were attributed to the lack of knowledge about donor eggs and the lack of awareness about my options – fresh v. frozen. Now that we are here, I have absolutely no regrets and even laugh when I think of the mild resistance I had about frozen donor eggs. Silly me! Well, hopefully through my experiences I share with you, I can help you quickly get past that barrier – if it is one – for yourself and family.
Once we decided to go with a frozen egg donor, I immediately began reading through different profiles and viewing pictures of the many donors in the Fairfax EggBank egg donor database. What I thought was going to be a drag of a task, actually ended being a really fun process. I mean, it was shopping for crying out loud… who doesn’t love to shop? Using the Fairfax EggBank database, you have the option of selecting different egg donor characteristics – race, height, education-level, etc. It is like the eBay of ‘donor mommy’ shopping – easy to filter through to find exactly what you need (but minus the price-bidding war).
While trying not to be too picky (yeah right… I was very picky!), there were certain requirements our ‘donor mommy’ had to meet:
- Physically, she had to look like similar to me.
- Educationally, she had to have completed at least a Bachelor’s degree.
- Health was not an issue because Fairfax EggBank ensures the ladies meet thorough and strict health standards before being accepted as a client.
- Proven success, whether she had her own children or a recipient was successful using her eggs through a frozen or fresh cycle.
After a few days of viewing profiles, I finally narrowed my list to about 10 egg donors. At the top of the list was a beautiful and intelligent young lady, who is the same bi-racial blend as me – Black and Filipino. She was perfect! My husband also agreed. However, just when I thought my decision was made, I learned my “perfect” egg donor had no proven successes.
We know the logic that at some point, every proven egg donor was a first-time egg donor at some point. Furthermore, we know that many recipients have gone on to become a parent through the help of a first-time egg donor. However just like with my debate of considering a known or unknown donor, choosing proven vs. unproven was another personal preference of mine – so please, look inwards towards your own feelings if you’re in this phase of the donor egg process – especially if you find an egg donor who you felt was meant for you. Also look to your Fairfax EggBank coordinator to seek additional guidance – they are there for you all the way! For us, we just decided not to go with our first option.
Instead, we opted for the next perfect lady on our list. After learning she has two children of her own and two other recipients were successful using her eggs, we knew, without a doubt, we found our perfect ‘donor mommy.’ Even if she was not the same bi-racial mix as me, she was still beyond perfect. Besides, she and I share some of the same features, which was a major plus. Now, if anyone were to ever say to me – he has your smile, eyes, or hair, I can say, YES – he sure does!
I like to talk a lot – not only vocally but with my fingers. Send me your thoughts and questions to email@example.com. I promise to respond as promptly as possible. Below is a list of planned blog topics, but if you have additional topics to suggest, as they relate to trying to conceive through donor options, please let me know.
The decision journey Part III: Finding the right donor – CURRENT BLOG